Why Boundaries Matter

• Boundaries help young people feel safe and secure, even if they protest against them.

   

• They prepare children and teens for the realities of adult life, where responsibilities and consequences are part of every choice.

   

• Consistent boundaries reduce power struggles and manipulation, because expectations are clear and predictable.

   

• They support a healthier parent–child relationship, where the parent remains the guide and the child learns respect, trust, and responsibility.

   

How to Begin if Boundaries Weren’t Modelled for You

If you didn’t grow up with clear rules or guidance, setting boundaries with your own child might feel unfamiliar — or even uncomfortable. That’s okay. You can start small and build gradually:

1. Pick one or two simple rules that matter most (e.g. bedtime, homework, or respectful language).

2. Explain the rule calmly and clearly to your child, making sure they understand both the expectation and the consequence if it isn’t followed.

3. Follow through consistently. Even if it feels difficult, holding the line shows your child that you mean what you say.

4. Stay calm. Your child may push back, but your steadiness helps them learn self-control.

5. Balance firmness with warmth. Remind your child that you love them, and that the boundary is there to keep them safe and help them grow.

Think of boundaries as “love with structure.” They are not punishments, but tools to guide your young person towards independence and resilience.

15 Healthy House Rules for Young People and Teens

1. Respect Others – Speak kindly; no name-calling, yelling, or hurtful language. Respect builds trust and makes home a safe space for everyone.

    

2. Honesty Matters – Always tell the truth, even when it’s hard. Honesty strengthens the parent–child bond and teaches accountability.

    

3. Complete Chores and Responsibilities – Helping at home builds teamwork and responsibility. When everyone contributes, the household runs more smoothly.

    

4. Homework Before Play – Schoolwork comes first, and fun activities follow. This teaches discipline and the importance of priorities.

    

5. Screen Time Limits – Too much time online can affect sleep, mood, and health. Set reasonable limits and stick to them.

    

6. Bedtime Routine – Consistent sleep supports emotional regulation and focus. A set bedtime helps create stability and predictability.

    

7. No Disrespectful Behaviour – Rolling eyes, slamming doors, or ignoring parents is not acceptable. Respectful communication helps everyone feel heard.

    

8. Ask Permission Before Going Out – Young people must check in with parents before leaving the house. This teaches safety, responsibility, and respect for family rules.

    

9. Follow Through with Consequences – If a boundary is broken, the consequence must happen. Consistency prevents manipulation and builds trust.

    

10. No Aggressive Behaviour – Violence, hitting, or throwing things are never acceptable. Encourage calm-down strategies instead.

     

11. Meal and Family Time – Share meals together regularly — no phones at the table. Family connection builds resilience and a sense of belonging.

     

12. Respect Privacy, but with Limits – Bedrooms are private, but parents may check in when needed. This balance teaches trust and accountability.

     

13. No Drugs, Alcohol, or Vaping – Set a clear expectation: these are not acceptable. Reinforce safety and health with open conversations about risks.

     

14. Be Polite in Public – Manners matter, both at home and outside. Teaches young people how to interact respectfully with others.

     

Follow Family Values – Every family has unique values — kindness, integrity, respect. Reiterate these regularly and model them as parents.

A Practical Menu of Consequences

When rules are broken, consequences should be fair, consistent, and connected to the behaviour. They don’t need to be harsh — the goal is to teach, not to punish.

Natural Consequences (letting life teach the lesson)

• If homework isn’t done, your child may have to face the teacher’s reaction at school.

• If they forget their PE kit, they may miss the activity that day.

• If they stay up too late, they’ll feel tired the next day.

Logical Consequences (linked directly to the behaviour)

• If a phone is misused (e.g., staying up late scrolling), it gets put away earlier the next evening.

• If respect is not shown during family time, the privilege of choice (e.g., TV show or activity) is removed.

• If they’re late home, their next outing is shortened or delayed.

Restorative Consequences (making amends)

• If something is broken, they help fix or replace it.

• If they’ve been rude or hurtful, they write an apology note or do something kind to rebuild trust.

• If they’ve left a mess, they tidy up and take on an extra household chore.

Restriction of Privileges

• Reducing screen time or social media access.

• Losing gaming or TV time for a set period.

• A temporary pause on outings with friends until trust is rebuilt.

Adding Responsibility

• Extra chores or helping a sibling with their task.

• Taking on an added responsibility for the week (e.g., setting the dinner table, walking the dog).

Key Reminders for Parents

 Stay calm — avoid shouting or lecturing.
Be consistent — if you say there will be a consequence, follow through.
Keep it proportionate — consequences should fit the behaviour, not overwhelm it.
Reconnect afterwards — remind your child that while their behaviour had a consequence, your love for them never changes.

Final Thoughts

Boundaries are not about punishment — they are about preparing your young person for the wider world. They teach respect, responsibility, and resilience.

It’s normal for young people to resist rules, but deep down they need — and even want — you to remain the parent. By holding steady, you give them the safety and structure they need to thrive.

At ReWellness, we encourage parents to see boundaries as an act of love. They are a gift you give your child — one that will support them not only now, but well into their adult life.